I am not alone, but I feel alone. It is not so much that I am lonely, but I guess I am quite lonely as well. But it is the feeling of being alone that disturbs me. And you may say feeling alone and feeling lonely is the same, but I disagree.
I do miss people, and wish I had people closer to me, and spent more time with them. So that is the lonely part. But that part is okay, it is possible to live with, because you know that you’re feeling lonely because you’re friends is far away, or because you maybe don’t have that many friends in your life.
To feel alone is worse. You can even be surrounded and feel alone. You are you. It is a gift sometimes, but often it feels agoraphobic … and then claustrophobic. Both at the same time. It is like a ball of anxiety in your chest. You can be surrounded by your closest friends and not be lonely at all, but still feel alone. It is strange, especially when you read it black on white, it’s not logical: to be with someone, not feel lonely, but still feel completely lost and alone.
I wouldn’t want it any different. But I do wish I could appreciate it, appreciate being me, and being the only me that exits, instead of feeling alone, and scared.
The truth is that we are always alone. And we are never alone.