Who are we really when it’s medication that determines our mood?

If you broke your leg, and got it plastered in a cast and took some heavy pain meds to ease the suffering, would you then say that the feeling of being whole and okay was real? I wouldn’t. I would understand that the only reason I felt okay was because I had something protecting my leg from pain and further injury, and medication for it not to hurt so bad. I would understand that my leg was still broken and would need time to heal. Furthermore the medication and the cast would probably hinder me in terms of making me sleepy and making it difficult for me to move. So I would feel good, or at least okay, but I would know that it was because I got some “help”, and that is completely fine when it comes to a broken leg. I would have no problem whatsoever with the feeling of being good and whole being fake, until of course my leg had healed, in a matter of weeks or months.

But what then when it comes to psychological illnesses, and medication for those?

If you were depressed – one thing is that there would be no cast for that, nothing would protect you from pain and further injury then – but you got prescriptions for and took anti-depressant or mood modifications, would you then say that the feeling of being okay was real?

It is here the problem lies. Because when it comes to your mood … if you feel alright, you are alright, or? It should be like that, but it is so easy to wonder. And you start to wonder if it is real, and then what part of it is real. With a broken leg it is easy to separate. But when the medications is actually tampering with your mood, it is really also nibbling at the you, at who you are. My mood determines my thoughts, my thoughts determines my actions, and my actions defines me.

I see that the medications is just helping to balance an unbalance in your hormone levels, which shouldn’t have been there in the first place, and it is simply a biological problem. But it doesn’t feel like that. You start wondering why things are feeling better, and if the laugh you had was actually because you were having a good time or just because the meds made you happy. It makes you confused, because your problems don’t disappear, but you feel good. So it’s like “I want to fuck the world, but I’m glad about it – Yay!”.

So lets just come to the conclusion already that the feeling of being okay was actually fake. So your mood is fake > your thoughts are fake > your actions are fake > you’re a fake > people only like the fake me > nothing is real > no one loves the real me > and so on and so forth. There is so many thoughts that’s just spiraling on to the first conclusion. And you don’t even know when you can stop taking the medicine because who knows when a mind is healed and whole.

I’m not saying that you should drop the meds, because obviously they are the life jacket for many, and the reason you got up from the ditch and got strong enough to fight through the rest. What I am saying is that it’s not “just” to pop some prozacs.


5 thoughts on “Who are we really when it’s medication that determines our mood?

  1. It could be said that “we are really the person who chose to take the medication, and therefore we chose to have the feelings that we are having as opposed to the feelings we might would have without them.” And then it might be, that we are always in control. Always playing a role. Even when it’s confusing and doesn’t seem like we are.

    • That is an interesting thought Lauren, and I agree with you to some point. What I’m thinking is that maybe when someone is feeling really shitty it can feel like they are being forced to take the medication, and once they have adapted their new choices will be influenced by their mood and thereby the meds.

      But maybe that is the price one have to pay, being confused and not sure of who you are anymore, until you are really whole again, or for someone the rest of their lives, and learn to live with it. Though I know that for very many this isn’t even a problem.

      Thank you for commenting!

      • It could be less of a price to pay and more of a journey that everyone takes into understanding who you are and feeling whole. In reality most people don’t get to a point where they feel that way. Well past their 30s, 40s, and 50s, we have issues understanding the choices we make and what’s really real at all, if anything. We are being manipulated in some way by everything that is around us, everything we take in. And by everything that those around us take in. But when we have to add in taking medication, it really is an adjustment. Which is why it’s important to remember that you’re taking in something no matter what that is affecting who you are and the thoughts that you have, so why not let it be something you are in control of and something that truly has the capacity to help you become who you want to be. Even without knowing who that is or if any of it is real. We can be whomever we’d like, real or fake. Healthy or unhealthy. They are all choices we get to make. You’re very wise! And I’m glad you are sharing your insights!

    • Well, I think it is you that are very wise!

      I thought about the other day that maybe by taking medication you are not being true to your thoughts and feelings 100%, but on the other hand you are helping yourself to a point where you can chose who you want to be and what you want to do. Maybe it’s not real all the time, but then again how do we define what is real?

      You can’t be your depression, or your anxiety, or your bipolar, or broken leg, or anything, but mental illnesses often do that to you. You stop doing the things you want to do, you stop being the person you’d like to be, because you just don’t manage to get out there anymore, and maybe that is a lot more fake than any medication ever make you.

      I just wish we could fix the mind the same way we can fix a bone, a muscle, a tumor or other physical parts. I wish you could go to the doctor and hear him tell you to “take this cure for 2 months and everything will be fine”.

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