I keep realizing it’s all just bullshit

How many times have I thought to myself that this life has no meaning, has no point? Endless times. How many times have I realized this struggle is just bullshit, and that it doesn’t have to be this way? Endless times. There is no need to worry. But I still do.

No matter how many times I tell myself that it’s just to make the best of it, I just can’t do it. Even though I realize I have nothing to lose, I am stuck.

Why don’t I lunge out into the world? Why don’t I go to the end of the cliff and let myself drop? Why am I not taking the chances I have? Why am I not living life to the fullest?

I’m not saying that life has no meaning, I’m saying that that is what I’m thinking, and with that point of view there is nothing to lose. With that point of view I should not worry. With that point of view I should just take a leap and see what happens. But I’m afraid. Even though I tell myself it’s just bullshit, I’m afraid.