When people tell you that you choose to be depressed and miserable, and that you should just get over it already.
This is one of the worst things! I mean it’s nothing compared to murder and cancer and wars and starving and all that stuff. But it’s one of those mindsets that just ticks me off. I get so mad, and frustrated. And hurt.
If I could choose how to feel I would choose to feel happy and satisfied and fulfilled every single day! (Or maybe I wouldn’t .. I don’t really know, because I don’t know how it is to be feeling like that for a longer period than some hours.) I would NEVER choose to be miserable, apathetic, hopeless and similar. Sometimes I would probably be sad or frustrated, because those are healthy feelings! but feeling depressed and feeling sad are two ENTIRELY different things. And I wish people who have never experienced it could realize that too. I mean it sucks that it ‘takes one to know one’.
Really it shouldn’t even matter what the people around you say. And I know that. I know that those who matters don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter and so on and so forth. But it gets to me still. Because I just don’t understand how anyone could even say that. Where is the logic.
I mean, I see that someone can be afraid of getting better. And that someone is afraid of being happy. I see that. But I would never go that far as to assume and accuse them of not wanting to get better. Or that their misery is their own fault.
YES, I take responsibility for my own life. YES, I work towards getting better. YES, I want to get better and be happy with all my heart. But no matter how much I want it, or work on it, or realize that it’s all on me: it doesn’t make it happen overnight! It just doesn’t!
Honestly I sometimes tell myself this too, because I feel like the majority of people think like this, and they can’t be wrong, right? So I tell myself I can choose to be happy and choose to not be sick anymore … and how delusional is that!? It’s like believing a broken leg will heal just because you snapped your fingers. And hey, it’s not many who will believe that!
So I tell myself, do all that stuff that a healthy and wellbeing person would do, and that you really want to do, and that you are so disappointed that you haven’t been able to do, just DO IT! And you know what happens? I crash! Same way a person with a broken leg won’t be able to walk on it, I’m not able to do those things. And in stead of helping me, thinking like that actually disappoints me even more. And it sets me back.
To hear someone say: Just pull it together! makes me wanna die. Because hey, I don’t manage to pull it together, but I obviously should be able to, and I’m not so, probably this life isn’t for me right? No it’s wrong. It is for me. It’s just that you can’t just pull yourself together from being sick and miserable.
Yeah sure you can stop whining and being sad about your boyfriend breaking up with you (I mean you could be depressed about that too, but you know what I mean) and you can realize one week on the couch after getting laid off that it’s time to get out there again. But it’s not like you can snap out of a depression or a really low low.
I wish you could though…