“Don’t you ever think about your future?” – they ask.
I honestly have to admit that even though I don’t tell them this: No I don’t.
Future is a word for hopeful people, and I … I am hopeless. My abilities, my resources, and my values give me opportunities for my future. Big opportunities. But my wishes don’t play along. My dreams and wants don’t play along. I want to die. You cannot dream about death.
That’s why I don’t think about the future. I’m waiting. I’m waiting for hope. I’m waiting for dreams of a future worth dreaming about.
^ – 2 years ago. I don’t get many questions about my dreams anymore, about my future. Little by little I guess people understood that I wasn’t heading anywhere important, any time soon. I’m still fighting to find those dreams. To find a place where death is not plan A, or plan B, or C or D. I’ve got hope though. Somewhere along this road I lit a candle, and though it’s not burning bright, the glimmer is there.
I’m waiting, hoping, dreaming, fighting to find the way to go, to want a future worth dreaming of.