How can you think of a future that doesn’t exits – not even in your dreams

“Don’t you ever think about your future?” – they ask.

I honestly have to admit that even though I don’t tell them this: No I don’t.

Future is a word for hopeful people, and I … I am hopeless. My abilities, my resources, and my values give me opportunities for my future. Big opportunities. But my wishes don’t play along. My dreams and wants don’t play along. I want to die. You cannot dream about death.
That’s why I don’t think about the future. I’m waiting. I’m waiting for hope. I’m waiting for dreams of a future worth dreaming about.

^ – 2 years ago. I don’t get many questions about my dreams anymore, about my future. Little by little I guess people understood that I wasn’t heading anywhere important, any time soon. I’m still fighting to find those dreams. To find a place where death is not plan A, or plan B, or C or D. I’ve got hope though. Somewhere along this road I lit a candle, and though it’s not burning bright, the glimmer is there.

I’m waiting, hoping, dreaming, fighting to find the way to go, to want a future worth dreaming of.

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8 thoughts on “How can you think of a future that doesn’t exits – not even in your dreams

    • I mean, it would be wonderful to dream about that happy future. To lie awake at night excited about the days to come! But when all you see ahead is pain and bs, the best thing is to not think of it I guess. Why add to your worries, when you have enough of them already?

      I’ll hold on to the hope and keep fighting, and you do the same! Ok?

      • Augh! Psychiatrist .. I thought they were supposed to help us, support us, but instead they just kill all hope. I mean, I’m totally for them telling it as they see it, but at the same time …
        Don’t let go of hope though, no matter what the ‘pro’ says. 🙂

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