A post about a post

So I wrote a post about what caused me to head back to hospital so soon. And then I didn’t post it because … I was/am scared of being that honest. And because it’s shitty. And because ‘what if someone I know accidentally finds this blog’ (should I change it’s name and delete the picture? like what do you think?). And because I’m not really sure if it has happened. And because I thought maybe it was too much. And because I didn’t want anyone to think I posted it because I wanted sympathy … though, really, maybe I do want sympathy? And because I didn’t want anyone to see me, but isn’t that what we all want, ever: to be seen? And because it’s idiotic. And because I’m weak. And because it’s taboo. And because it’s fresh.

And because it’s real, because it’s actually, truly, my life.


8 thoughts on “A post about a post

  1. One of the benefits of blogging, I think, is the amount you can choose to remain anonymous. You can say as much or as little as you’d like.

    I don’t know if I would necessarily feel sympathetic in a way that would pity you, but I would (and do) certainly feel compassion towards you and your situation.

    I hope you’re doing okay. Don’t feel like you have to write if you feel uncomfortable.

    • Yeah. I see that too, and that’s why I was thinking of changing the name of the blog and change the picture to something generic. But since I totally have Aspergers, I feel like a dick when I change it. I kinda like it this way. Not because this way is better, but because this is the way it’s been. I’m impossible!

      “I don’t know if I would necessarily feel sympathetic in a way that would pity you” … is this good or bad?

      You’re nice. Really.

      • With regards to sympathy, I just meant that I wouldn’t look down on you or something. I’m not sure really how to explain what I’m trying to say, but I wouldn’t feel that type of sympathy that have a way of making the “sympathizee” feel like, small and little. Basically, it’s a good thing. Your situation and what you’re going through absolutely sucks and I don’t think any less of you, if that makes sense.
        Maybe it’s just my own fuckedupness, haha.

  2. I am constantly nervous that my soon to be EX will find my blog and realize I have truly moved on and now have a new love in my life. If she finds out, GOOD. If I can control when that information needs to be made public, I’d be happier. I could care less what my STBX thinks. I do want to protect my children though and introduce this new love the CORRECT way. So, I understand the hesitancy….

    • Yeah, I understand how you would be nervous about that.

      I’m hestitant in a more … I don’t know. Like, mental illness and shit is taboo, and if I die, I don’t think my family would like everyone (if one found it I assume more would) to know everything about me. It’s strange in a way. You want strangers to connect with you through or by the shitty things you write about, but the people you know already, you can’t stand to think of them knowing … Strange.
      Why am I so afraid of the truth. Gah!

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