Not being honest about shit (I use that word way too much, sorry, forgive me)

I’m gonna write a positive post. Not because I’m happy, or positive in any way. Not because I finally got some hope to hang on to, or because I’m feeling optimistic about the world, or the future. Not because I’m so grateful I just flow over with emotion, and feel like I should write a cheerful post. But because I’m so low, I don’t know what to do. And doing the opposite of what I want to do, might do me some good. Because the world (as I said) is shit, and a happy list (or whatever) might add to the shit … or might cheer me up, though I feel as if I’m so low no one could reach me here.

GOOD THINGS (I think I have to throw up!)

• There are friends
• Colors can look beautiful
• Nature
• Cocoa
• Grandmothers (ambivalent, but yeah)
• Pepsi Max
• Candy (though it makes you fat, and being fat sucks, but it doesn’t suck over candy being good, if you getme?)

(and at this point I’m struggling to find any more things, but I know there has to be more, so I’m gonna push-push-push to find some more)

• (OH HOW COULD I FORGET!?) Great bloggers, and blogs (!!)
• Band-aids
• Cameras

(I’m so bad at this! Five more, five more!)

• Lists (or?)
• Lotion (I guess?)
• To sleep! … in your own bed, with six pillows and the best mattresses ever
• Amazing books (mark my words, not books in general, amazing books, though since this list was about good things, I’m gonna assume that good books, would do the trick too … but … no, whatever)
• Puppies

Why is the world spinning? Today it felt like I was semi-dissociating, that was messed up, like what the fuck? I was halfway in my head. People laughing outside my door  makes me sad, upset, want to … Wow, sorry, did I say this was gonna be a positive post? I’m just gonna end it now, before I say another word about how I feel.

Tudelu ♥

Fuck the world. Fuck everything. Damn, I wanna cry/die.

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