Thanks for all the fish

I’m home on leave from the hospital. 2 hours to spend with my parents.

When I talked with my psychologist today he made me promise not to use this time at home to die. Funny story, that was what I was planning, and still am planning. I swore I wouldn’t be up to no good, but maybe once I won’t be good as my word.

It just hurts so bad.

I was looking for something more to write, but then I found I didn’t have to, what I just wrote said it all.

It just hurts so bad.

I wish you all the best, keep fighting, stay strong. ♥


11 thoughts on “Thanks for all the fish

  1. It’s difficult to make the most of a 2 hr pass., but ok to be away from the hospital to breathe some air too. I wish you the best. Been thru the hospitalizations myself, hated the arts and crafts though (ended up with too many fridge magnets!). Take care. Deb

      • Hi, you’re still in hospital – not a good thing, but the best thing for you at this time. Years ago, it seemed I spent more time in the hospital than out, and it’s the pits living with strangers and the daily hospital routine. I don’t know about you, but I always asked “do these pdocs really know what they’re doing, because they only visit me every 3 days and stay, if I’m lucky for 5 minutes, then up my meds?” Hmmm. Stay safe, write when you can. Take care – journal: it was my saviour!!

        My blog website:

        I wrote an article on one of my lovely stays at the *big* institution:

      • My journal just tracked everything that happened during my hospital stays, how I felt, what meds they put me on, took me off, the ECT’s, suicidal thoughts, attempts, everything…and that is really when I had everything to start my blog. I do exist now, but going through bad depression AGAin.

      • YES, suicide is not the answer, it may feel like the answer and want to be the answer and you may want it so badly, but it is NOT the answer.

        Here is my email if you wish to talk further, not that I’m a pro at this or anything: in fact I’m surprised I can still think after 77 ECT’s!!!

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