When did I get lost in this?

Do you wanna know how many days it’s been since my day went by without thinking about dying? No? Because you know that’s more days ago than I can count. Do you wanna know how many months it’s been since my day went by without thinking about dying? No? Because you already know that’s too many months ago. But do you wanna know how many years it’s been since I had a day without thinking about dying? No? Because you know the answer to that is nothing but tragic.

I wonder what the world looks like behind eyes that don’t colour everything a shade of grey. I wonder what it looks like from a perspective where death isn’t default, it’s only the last resort. I wonder if the world would look more or less daunting than it does with my eyes, because the fall would be further right? But at the same time, could it be more daunting than this darkness? I wonder what the world looks like from inside someone who isn’t already broken.

Because I cannot remember anything but this.

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