You dropped me into thin air
and everything moves faster there
I am crashing down
free falling is my tumble-ground
I am a wrecking ball
faster, faster, faster I fall
I am crashing fast
can’t save my future from my past
We are miles apart
Do you feel the ice, from my heart?
We are like night and day
Come here, come here, stay, no, go away
I see the blood pumping into your hand
You’re sitting right there, but you’re far away in a far away land
We are like down and up
You see my pain but the feeling don’t stop
This is part of a song I made some days ago. I kinda like the melody, and the words. They really convey something I feel. The isolation, and stuff. I mean … most of my songs and creative things are sad and stuff, and I’m sorry about that. I wish I had some positivity to push onto you all! but I don’t … It’s hard to act, because I’m trying to be true to myself.
I know that lately all my post have been down-down-down (or they have been from my side of the screen at least), and I guess you guys are pretty fed up with that now. I wish I could say that, tomorrow(!) I’m gonna write a positive, feel-good post. But I can’t, because that would be lying. Like, heck, I’m really trying to hold the bullshit away from here, but I think it’s seeping through. Well, I hope you’ll hang in there with me, and keep being great, because that kinda makes me happy, when I don’t even know what happy means.
HELLO! You are amazing! Rock on to the end of the world. Don’t ever give up. Keep trying. If you fall, get back up, and whenever you fall again, do the same thing over and over. You can do it. I believe in you, and you can believe in yourself. Applaud yourself for taking a shower, if that’s hard to do. Don’t judge yourself. Be nice, to others, but more importantly to yourself! And hey! If you want to listen to an upbeat song, check out Noah and the Whale with L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N 🙂
So, I’ve been to the hospital. I went for my tuesday appointment with my psychologist, and I didn’t return.
Even though I was only there for 3 days, I don’t really know where to start. I want to blast off about the idiot psychiatrist I met. I wanna tell you about how disappointed the system made/makes me. I want to let you know that in the midst of all that, there was a nice guy whom I played chess with, he won 2 times and I won 2 times.
But I can’t, yet. I haven’t been very good at being honest lately, and I don’t think I’m all the way there. But soon, I hope. Or … lol, who cares anyways. It’s not as though if I don’t write about that anyone is gonna miss it … I’m the only one reading this shit. And how absurd is that, me writing to myself about no one but myself reading it. And … I’ll stop.
Well. I’ve spent the last hours recording with my recorder the song I posted a draft off. Somewhere in there I mess up the lyrics, and it’s somewhat off pitch at times too. But I do think it’s better than the draft. Let me know, what you think! Please.
It’s about losing someone, and not managing to let them go. How life seems too lonely without them.
It’s been quite a while since I really touched my guitar, or played or painted or did anything remotely creative. But out of the blue I made a song tonight. And I think being a perfectionist sucks. Being so stuck up on what people think sucks balls. So what am I gonna do? I’m gonna post a draft of the song. It was recorded with my computer microphone and, yeah, as I said it’s a draft, just made. But hopefully you won’t think ALL of it blows …
(Uploaded the song in a new post after recording it with a real recorder)
As I said, I’m trying to not take myself too seriously and stuff and not be too self-conscious and perfectionistic, but I don’t think I’ll leave it up for long. There are boundaries!
So if anyone get’s to hear it, let me know what you think, even though it’s “You’re a terrible singer, it’s too repetitive, go die” … Or don’t say “go die”.
Help, I have done it again I have been here many times before Hurt myself again today And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame
How can Sia’s words be so much more fitting than my own. I can put those words out there, because I know it wasn’t I (!) who wrote them. No matter how much they apply to me right now, the help word is not my own. Because it’s scary. But when it’s hers it’s okay to let it show.
Be my friend Hold me, wrap me up Unfold me I am small And needy Warm me up And breathe me
I don’t know how to try anymore. Even if I did say it myself (help) … I don’t know how. Help. me. breathe?
Ouch I have lost myself again Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, Yeah I think that I might break I’ve lost myself again and I feel unsafe
I walk through these streets of mud
I get why you stopped believing in God
I feel your pain in my body
and this is what I see
A brother, an equal, a friend
a heart full of sores, so hard to mend
He’s fighting a war we can’t understand
I’m mereley a visitor in his land
He’s just like you, and like me
But he has seen so many secrets we don’t see
He’s pushing a wagon filled with stone
It’s breaking my heart, he pushes it alone