Why can’t I cry?

I read on a blog a few days ago that crying is being weak. (And here I take a long pause trying to find the post where I read it so I could be accurate, but I realize I have no idea how to find the exact blog, since it was a random one I found in the ‘tags’-thingy, and that crying being weak could be a statement I found anywhere, so it probably doesn’t really matter to those who read this where I read it. Sorry for the long blurb about what just happened … OMG! What’s the matter with me?! Anyroads:)

I disagree. I totally disagree.
I think crying is being strong. It’s about letting yourself feel what you’re feeling. Letting go of the control and letting your body experience the emotions you’re filled with. It’s accepting the different reactions we as humans have to the world, sadness being one of them. Being able to cry means being able to live freely. Restricting yourself, and holding tears back prevents you from experiencing the depth of our lives. Crying can feel good, but I would say crying hurts, it’s painful. So that’s why I’m saying that crying is being strong. And sometimes crying is being brave.

My eyes fill with tears. There’s so much pain, hurt and sadness inside of me, and that makes my eyes water, but I do not cry. And it’s not because I hold it back intentionally. I don’t know why I cannot cry, I don’t understand it. I feel my eyes get wet, but I simply cannot let the tears fall. There are times I’m overcome with emotions, and it’s terrible, everything is just terrible, but I don’t cry.

My therapist asked me something a while back, and I said that it was poetic, and it was, but he responded that no, it wasn’t meant to be, it was just the truth, a truthful question. He said “If you let yourself cry, do you think you could ever stop?”

Advertisements